Wednesday, October 25, 2006
goodbye.
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
pardon me. i was bored. and it's 4 in the morning of a public holiday.
selamat hari raya to all my muslim friends!
| Your Five Factor Personality Profile |
 Extroversion: You have medium extroversion. You're not the life of the party, but you do show up for the party. Sometimes you are full of energy and open to new social experiences. But you also need to hibernate and enjoy your "down time." Conscientiousness: You have medium conscientiousness. You're generally good at balancing work and play. When you need to buckle down, you can usually get tasks done. But you've been known to goof off when you know you can get away with it. Agreeableness: You have high agreeableness. You are easy to get along with, and you value harmony highly. Helpful and generous, you are willing to compromise with almost anyone. You give people the benefit of the doubt and don't mind giving someone a second chance. Neuroticism: You have low neuroticism. You are very emotionally stable and mentally together. Only the greatest setbacks upset you, and you bounce back quickly. Overall, you are typically calm and relaxed - making others feel secure. Openness to experience: Your openness to new experiences is high. In life, you tend to be an early adopter of all new things and ideas. You'll try almost anything interesting, and you're constantly pushing your own limits. A great connoisseir of art and beauty, you can find the positive side of almost anything. |
next.
| Your Career Type: Artistic |
 You are expressive, original, and independent. Your talents lie in your artistic abilities: creative writing, drama, crafts, music, or art. You would make an excellent: Actor - Art Teacher - Book Editor Clothes Designer - Comedian - Composer Dancer - DJ - Graphic Designer Illustrator - Musician - Sculptor The worst career options for your are conventional careers, like bank teller or secretary. |
ask me what i want to do in the future AFTER christmas, maybe i'll have an inkling then. next.
| Your Dominant Intelligence is Bodily-Kinesthetic Intelligence |
 You are naturally athletic and coordinated, good at making your mind and body work together. Sports are fun and easy for you, especially those requiring good hand - eye coordination. There's also a good chance you're a great dancer, or good at expressing yourself through body language. You learn best by doing, and you feel like you've always got to be moving (even if it's just your hands). You would make a good athlete, physical education teaches, dancer, actor, firefighter, or artisan. |
next.
| Your Monster Profile |
 Basilisk Dictator You Feast On: Starbucks You Lurk Around In: The Ocean You Especially Like to Torment: Your Exes |
next. what kind of crappy christmas present i am:
| You Are Socks! |
 Cozy and warm... but easily lost. You make a good puppet. |
next.
| You Are 60% Pure |
 Well, you're not exactly an angel - but you're pretty darn close. But chances are, you have a couple juicy secrets deep in your closet. |
i'm not sharing anything anytime soon. next.
| You Are 50% Impulsive |
 You're quite impulsive, but you never are reckless. You qualify as a very spontaneous person, but you still know how to honor your commitments. And while responsibility doesn't come easy to you, having fun does! |
next.
| Your Love Style is Storge |
 For you, love and friendship are almost the same thing And your love tends to be the enduring, long lasting kind (You've been known to still have connections with exes) But sometimes your love is not the most passionate Leap before you look, and you'll find that fire you crave |
yesyes, i have heard plenty of complaints that my love for my lover is almost negligent. he complained that i might as well have loved my friends more. next.
| Your Love Element Is Metal |
 In love, you inspire and respect your partner. For you, love is all about fusing together for one incredible life experience. You attract others with wit and a bit of flash. Your flirting style is defined by making others want and value you. Greatness and optimism are the cornerstones of your love life. You may let go too easily, but you never get weighed down by your past. You connect best with: Earth Avoid: Fire You and another Metal element: will control and smother each other |
more frivolous information that i enjoy reading. next.
| Your Kissing Purity Score: 46% Pure |
 You're not one to kiss and tell... But word is, you kiss pretty well. |
WAHAHAA. so there. i kiss pretty well. no, fubar, i don't give classes. HAHAA. next.
| You Belong in Paris |
 You enjoy all that life has to offer, and you can appreciate the fine tastes and sites of Paris. You're the perfect person to wander the streets of Paris aimlessly, enjoying architecture and a crepe. |
i would like to visit it someday. it is in my list of to-visits while on my backpacking trip through europe when i turn 21. next.
| You Are a Learning Cook |
 You've got the makings of an excellent cook, and the desire to be one. But right now, you're just lacking the experience. You couldn't be a top chef yet, but you could be an apprentice. |
my momma says that i gotta know how to cook, so that my future mother-in-law can't complain. momma says, "i'm adding value, val. you can thank me when you're married." (if you get married, she still stands by - 'keep at what you're doing and you're gonna be single at 35.') next.
| You Have Your Sarcastic Moments |
 While you're not sarcastic at all times, you definitely have a cynical edge. In your opinion, not all people are annoying. Some are dead! And although you do have your genuine moments, you can't help getting your zingers in. Some people might be a little hurt by your sarcasm, but it's more likely they think you're hilarious. |
next.
| Your New Year's Resolutions |
 1) Get a pet rock 2) Eat less onions 3) Travel to New Zealand 4) Study japanese pop culture 5) Get in shape with street fighting |
of course, get a pet rock. how could i not? :)
and here's one, specially for fubar... the test of evilness.
| You Are 34% Evil |
 A bit of evil lurks in your heart, but you hide it well. In some ways, you are the most dangerous kind of evil. |
i am the most dangerous kind of evil. okay, blogthings might say i'm evil, but it's an unreliable source that is basing all my 34% evilness on 50 questions. i am requesting for a recount.
Monday, October 23, 2006
i'm thinking of shutting down this blog. i'll sit on it.
an angel fell into my arms the other day, and i looked at it thinking, 'what the hell is this?'
the angel stood up, tall above me, and said, 'thank you. thank you for catching me.'
'no big.'
'let me help you,' the angel continued to speak, but i tuned out.
then the angel reached out, 'i thought you might need a hand with this.' it reached out to touch my chest, only then i realised it meant to touch my heart.
i stepped back to get an even measure of this creature with white wings; the angel. it was not goodlooking nor hideous, but it was certainly beautiful.
'i don't need your help,' i pushed its hand away.
'He thinks you do.'
'you can tell him i don't.' i turn to walk away.
the angel walks beside me just as the rain begins to pour. then it whips out an umbrella, no, it's white wings, over my head.
'funny, so it has other purposes.' i laugh.
'everything has a purpose,' the angel didn't laugh. 'if only people would take the time to realise what it is.'
'so what you're saying is that everything that happens to us is for a reason?'
'no, yes, maybe. i should ask Him when i see Him.'
'so what is your purpose in meeting me, and sheltering me with your wings from the rain? telling me that i need help?' i raise my voice. 'really, what is your purpose?'
'my purpose is to be with me. to help you with this.' it points to my chest again, no, my heart.
'i'm fine. you're fine. i'm fine.' i pick up my pace. the angel follows. 'would you stop following me?' i yell.
'i don't follow you, i follow what needs fixing.'
'i don't need fixing.'
'you don't. but your heart does.'
'it'll fix itself.'
'yes it will. not perfectly, but it will.'
'so.'
'so.'
'so stop following me.'
'i don't follow you, i follow what needs fixing.'
'fine. i want to be fixed. is that what you want to hear? i want to be fixed, but not right now ok?'
'i understand,' said the angel, as it stood with its wings above my head, waiting.
- this is a random fictional story, written by Valerie Anne.
you can't choose the time you want to be made better, and you definitely can't choose the times when to be broken. but you can choose to be the angel to shelter those who are broken. and believe me, the world needs more angels.
Saturday, October 21, 2006
'throw me a line.'
'oh. okay. you've got a big nose.'
'big meh? big is good what. but also, my nose not so big leh. it's not as big as my palm.'
'is it?' i ask.
he brings his hand up to his face, comparing his nose and palm.
i couldn't resist it, really. -- i smashed his hand against his face.
HAHAHAHA. i'm sorry mr. chocolate addict!
Thursday, October 19, 2006
hearing aid: the fray // how to save a life
what would life be like if you didn't exist?
don't you know that war is ravaging our world while we sit in our sofas eating potato chips? industries are damaging our environment while we catch movies in the cinemas. people are inflicting pain and suffering on others while we window shop along orchard road. sometimes, i am amazed by how indifferent people are to what is going on around them -- and i know i'm one of them indifferent people. i am part of this society.
we can talk about non conformity, but to be like others/ to want to be accepted by others/ to do things to be accepted, makes us conformers. and who doesn't want to be accepted? people, humans, us -- we want to be part of something. to belong.
take the effort to say hi
make the effort to smile
make the effort to listen
what's left is the effort to change
make the effort to smile
make the effort to listen
what's left is the effort to change
are you happy with the way you live? don't you want to be a better person? i know i do.
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
i don't want to be crushing on a stranger.
-- we like people because of what we make them up to be. they have imaginary good traits. and who doesn't like good traits?
he sleeps at 10pm. sheesh. who in the world sleeps at 10pm?! he does.
i want to sleep at 10pm.
monday was the first day of school. i like school. wait another 2 weeks then ask me again.
Sunday, October 15, 2006
unlike most sundays of the holidays, i spent the last one with my mum -- travelling the island, eating, and buying the most adorable bras from pierre cardin! : ) waHahaha.. i HAD to say it! really, i love 'em bras. (and no, i'm not gonna show you or anyone else who's not female). *grin.
so.
life's looking up. and school's starting tomorrow. finally.
Friday, October 13, 2006
hearing aid: breaking benjamins & the academy is
i had a good day today.
and a good day is a good thing. : )
j'ai rencontre lui aujourd'hui pour cocoa chaud, et a ri beaucoup. que tient nous ensemble est un film avec une boisson de son choix, et ses nachos avec le fromage supplementaire.
it's 6ish on a not so random friday. i went to mos tonight, and i'm glad that i did.
if you didn't know, i just got out of an unsuccessful relationship with a friend of mine. so i've been having the worst week of 2006, and my eyes are puffy from all the unloading of tears. it's terrible; i'm hideous really. ugh.
i should've listened to my own advice, 'never fall for someone who doesn't love you as much as you do them.' crazy woman, talk so much..
ANYWAY, clubbing was awesome. it wasn't all that great at first though.
reason no. 1 why mos wasn't so great at the beginning:
the queue into mos was crazy mad, curling round the building. and i shuffled through the queue by myself.
reason no. 2 why mos wasn't so great at the beginning:
two black (not malay/indian, i think south african) guys approached me within 5 minutes i reached mos dance floor. one asked to dance with me, i obliged considering i had no plans for the night except to enjoy myself and get happy.
they started to get touchy.
reason no.3 why mos wasn't so great at the beginning:
trying to save myself from the two black guys, i started dancing with a malay guy who smiled at me once in a while.
he started getting touchy.
reason no. 4 why mos wasn't so great at the beginning:
the two black guys pulled me away from the malay guy.
reason no.1 why mos was getting good:
i saw kian and mik. i had no idea that they were in the same group of girls who were dancing right next to me. i mouthed, 'save me' to the guys. they helped me escape from the touchy men.
reason no. 2 why mos was good:
i circulated the dance floor looking for my friends. and in the midst of it, i crossed paths with someone i don't know. we didn't exchange words, only smiles. it's the story of boy and girl meet. boy and girl smile. but boy and girl never meet again.
why am i happy? because we both took double takes at each other as we turned to walk away, and we caught each other looking back and smiled again. priceless.
i don't know who he is, nor do i know his name. i only know his eyes, and his smile. and that's good enough for me. : )
reason no. 3 why mos was great:
i met zhuping! zhubs was from my secondary school, and he and i were close then. i haven't seen him since graduation!
reason no. 4 why mos was great:
i made a new friend. :D
'hey you've got my phone right?' i ask.
'shhhh. i'm trying to steal your phone, you're not helping.'
'ok, keep the phone, but give me your number.'
'i'm not that easy okay.' he grins at me.
'hahaa. how much would it cost then?' playing along with him.
he whips out one hand, and starts counting till 5, '50 bucks.'
'you're not worth that much.'
he chokes on water, laughing.
he returns me my phone without his number, then reaches over and calls himself. : )
Thursday, October 12, 2006
hearing aid: twelve stones // the way i feel
truth: nothing surprises me anymore, and it's almost as if i expect to be hurt.
every night i look forward to seeing the sunrise, then i'll sleep knowing that i'll wake up to see the sun again. i know it's stupid to sleep so late (6ish7am); why not sleep at midnight, and wake at 8 right? but don't argue here -- this is my time.
taking one day at a time, i know i'll feel better. today's i'm feeling fine. tomorrow, i'll feel better than fine. : )
to all my friends who sent their love, thanks. i love you too.
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
i was at my bus stop on my way to town when i took out xing's neeon mp3 player, deciding when and how to return it. i fussed about so many other things at the same time -- let's just say me and my attempt at multi-tasking is the shits. the bus came. and as i stood up, the mp3 rolled off my lap and onto the road, in front of the oncoming bus.
shit, what am i going to do, i thought to myself. i can't very well fling myself in front of the bus, it's barely 20 metres away, and it's not exactly slowing down. shit shit shit. okay, pray really hard that the bus doesn't roll over it. pray really really hard now val.
i crossed my fingers, and hoped to die. just then, things started moving in slow motion, and i could see the bus roll into the bay and over the mp3 player. i thought, maybe it might survive the weight. maybe creative did a fantastic job, and then i can write to the company and commend their works. i dreamed, i really did.
i stood there, open jawed and reeling from the fact that i told xing that i was going to return the mp3 to him. i picked up the smashed mp3, looked at it and thought aloud, fuck. i could hear gasps from the others at the bus stop. i think i could hear them imagining piggy banks being broken by little hammers. i could hear my piggy bank being broken by a huge hammer, backed by the screamings of my mum, and joined by the sing song of angels in heaven waiting for me.
i picked up the mp3 player, and gawked at it for another 3 seconds before rushing to board the bus. in all 5 strides to the entrance of the bus, i thought i'm gonna buy this from xing for two hundred bucks, and i can't tell him why.
(pls. note: if you know xing, don't tell him. and xing if you're reading this, it's a story that you don't have to come talk to me about.)
the lady who boarded the bus before me saw the incident, and i could feel her heart break for me as i walked past her on the bus. her eyes bore into my back. if i had to describe my emotions at that very point in time, it would be - A. shock - B. shock - C. shock.
i wanted to strangle the bus driver. but i knew, first i had to tell xing that i'm buying the mp3 from him. still reeling from shock, i dialed his number from memory, and waited for his curt 'yes?'.
'erm. hi...' i stammered, most unsure of myself. i was going to blow 200 bucks on something that was literally crap. 'hi. sorry to bother you.'
'yeah.'
'i'm gonna buy your mp3 from you.'
'huh?' i would like to think he was shocked. 'i thought you weren't going to?'
'well, now i am.'
'why?'
'because i want to.' it was the truth, i wanted to buy it off him; how could i possibly return a smashed gadget, or smashed anything? and he knows when i'm lying.
'ok, so now i don't need to return you your $75. you pay me $125.' he owed me $75 for a shirt i bought him. ask me to buy you a shirt, and i'll personally throw you out the window of a 20-storeys up.
'right. just send me your dbs account and i'll wire the cash later.'
'i use uob.'
'right. send it anyway.' i wasn't thinking at this point in time, i just blew two hundred on a gadget that doesn't work, it's NOTHING. i cannot emphasise NOTHING more than this.
'ok.'
'ok.' he hung up.
i closed my phone, and wiped away tears that were rolling down my face. i cried in public again, and on a damn bus, and i couldn't care less. this is the most expensive ride i've ever taken in my entire life. $201.80.
xing came around in the evening, and i passed him the $125.
so, i'm $125 short, and with a piece of crap that has absolutely no purpose other than to remind me of the past 5 months.
my options are:
A. keep it and frame it.
B. throw it back in his face, and tell him to keep the money.
(here's a reminder again: if you know xing, don't tell him. and xing if you're reading this, it's a story that you don't have to come talk to me about.)
Thursday, October 05, 2006
1. My ex is still...
my good friend, someone i trust.
2. I am listening to...
the mad hash of newspapers being thrown about.
3. Maybe I should...
watch what I eat more.
4. I love...
watching my friend writh and squirm while i eat durian anything.
5. My best friend...
is Rah, Dee and T.
6. I don't understand...
why everything has to be so complicated. even washing your hair -- do you really need to know the steps to washing your hair? step 1. wash // step 2. lather // step 3. rinse // step 4. repeat.
7. I lost...
my sense of the world love. not to forget, my wallet over 2 dozen times when i was in primary school.
8. People say...
it would be terribly difficult for me to find a boyfriend who wouldn't mind my lifestyle. i have no comments.
9. The meaning of my screen name is...
vfrizlea. V + frizle + A.
10. Love is...
knowing i still have you when you have the world.
and an extra for you
love feels like:
playing in the rain, and jumping into puddles of water
11. Somewhere, someone is...
doing their business in the crack of the world.
12. I will always...
want to fly off to some country and have a love affair with a stranger.
13. Forever seems...
to be the word that foolish people use. Dont' be daft, I won't use forever, even in my wedding vows. I'll say, "I will cherish you for as long as I have you."
14. I never ever want to...
drown. I almost drowned once, and in that second that you think you could die, time freezes.
15. My cell phone is...
a lousy piece of crapass-shit. as and when it feels like it, it crashes -- taking along with it my 300 over contacts.
16. When I woke up this morning...
i didn't want to go for my lunch date.
17. I get annoyed...
when decisions can't be made.
18. Parties are...
awesome when with the right company.
19. My pet(s) are...
my 3 cats. benji, oreo and captain.
bong said: "i want oreo."
xing said: "i want captain and i'll leave her at your (bong's) place"
bong said: "huh!?"
20. Kisses are the best when...
served with hugs.
21. Today I...
cancelled my lunch date.
22. Tomorrow I will...
fall back into routine, and meet with the boys.
23. I really want...
to hate him, so i can say i don't love him.
7 random things about myself:
1. My TMTC name is Natania Castelle.
2. When I play the piano, I get drowsy.
3. Cheeriness is a self defense mechanism that I have almost mastered.
4. My ring finger is longer than my index finger.
5. I don't like vodka, or baileys, or alcohol for that matter.
6. I'm really lousy at painting nails, or keeping them chip-free.
7. I have 35" hips, and am a UK size 10.
7 things that scare me:
1. Clowns.
2. Zombies.
3. Needles, injections.
4. Balloons.
5. Finding out that the world accepts war.
6. Those jump-out-at-you kind of movies
7. Falling in love, and not knowing what it is that is making me all bothered.
7 random songs at the moment:
1. Avenged Sevenfold - Bat Country
2. Rooster - Deep and Meaningless
3. Fuel - Bad Day
4. Bush - Glycerine
5. 9 Days - If I Am
6. Bardot - Poison
7. The Bangles - Manic Monday
7 things I like most:
1. TMTC
2. my best friends
3. reading/shopping for books
4. hearing xing play the piano
5. taking a drive out to nowhere
6. listening to karyn tell stories
7. playing in the rain, jumping in puddles of water.
Q: Is there such a thing as being too late?
i've asked this question before. and everyone, except my friend's younger brother (a sec 1 boy), said yes.
let me digress a little. this is how the phone conversation went.
i called my friend's mobile.
someone picked up.
'is there such a thing as being too late', i shoot.
'huh? erm, this is kenneth, terence is busy at the moment.'
kenneth -- terence's younger brother. adorable, sweet, and charming. wait til he's 21, then i am at liberty to emphasise and elaborate more on how adorable, sweet and charming he is. he IS a minor you know.
'sorry.' i mumble, slightly embarrassed. 'is terence busy?'
'not really. hold on.' he returns, 'he said he'll call you back.'
'ok. wait. is there such a thing as being too late?' i ask.
'ahhhhh. no?' i laughed to myself. he almost convinced me it could've been true.
he's so adorable la.
hahaa. maybe i should talk to kenneth again, he makes me happy. anyway, i asked it the last time because i told the guy i like him too late and he found someone else. it sucked. big time.
this time around, i'm asking because there's a saying:
'once bitten, twice shy & three times, you're an idiot.'
A: Yes.
so learn your lesson, tell them when you know, and pray really hard that you're not late.
hell hurts, it screams my name.
it's all status quo apparently.
i hate love and loving.
and i hate myself for loving you.
but most of all, i hate you.
hell hurts and it screams my name.
it's all status quo apparently.
i hate love and loving.
and i hate myself for loving you.
but most of all, i hate you.
hell hurts and it screams my name.