it's my final exam day, and the paper is in EIGHT hours.
then in eleven hours, i'll be FREEEEE.
manohmanohmanohmanohmanohmanohmanohman.
i've been having random outbursts of words and screams the past week. mum says i should go for a run to release the excess/built up energy. i think i shall - on wednesday. hahaa.
people forget how it feels to let go of a secret. and that's the best feeling of all; when you've got nothing to hide. i'm trying to remember the movie that said the creatures of the sea have no secrets, a world where everyone knows everything. everything except the purpose of life and the face of God. anyway, the word she used to describe a world with no secrets was
liberating.
but i'm not too sure if it'll be all that liberating when i tell her.
this friday, i'll tell/ask her.
after this friday, then maybe i'll really be free.
weather forecast for the next few days: sunny. the sunshiniest days you'll ever see.
when i started 2006, i came up with a list of things i wanted to do/achieve through the year.
here's reminder.
no. 1: find someone i can be smitten with
no. 2: get my friends to quit smoking
no. 3: to not be sucha workaholic (tis a blessed curse i tell you.)
no. 4: adopt a child
no. 5: be on time
i'm still working on no. 5, i'm getting there. maybe signing up for driving classes would make me one step closer to realising that goal.
no 2: trying to make my friends quit smoking's been kinda hard, considering i just met a friend today who told me he's trying it for the kicks - total cognitive dissonance. i'm not giving up you hear? i'm not giving up.
to reach my no. 4 goal, i gotta first get myself a paying job before i can adopt anything, lest a child no? there are so many children out there who need your help, five bucks a month might see them through a valuable education, a shelter over their heads and clothes to keep them warm on cold nights. this effort goes a long way. pay it forward.
no. 1: i'm not sure if i'm smitten, but he's someone i care about. and valerie caring is
a BIG deal.
//all things retro//
Lower than I've ever gone,
Higher than I've ever swung
this trip is going to send me over the moon
Miss, would you like a ticket?
Oh, give me a few minutes please?
I would like to but,
this trip is open for one day only.
alright, ticket please.
one way ticket to the moon, coming right up.
every action has a consequence.
the repetition of the lack of order creates the Order.
when we were kids we used to dream; pretend; make believe tales. sometimes it's about how the tooth fairy would come to drop a dollar coin under your pillow for every tooth you left behind. you'd scream and shout to the world that you've become the richest person alive because of that dollar coin.
sometimes, you would play in tents made of blankets and a fortress out of pillows, climbing in and out as if you had your own property (oh wait, you did.) other times, it's about how you'd play hide and seek in/with the curtains. you'd think to yourself, 'i'm here! i'm here!' everytime someone walks by you saying, 'i wonder where val is.' this silent screaming for attention is followed with indulgence and self-flattery; 'hahaha.. i'm the best hide and go seek player ever!' and you give up after 2 minutes, popping out of the curtain, watching everyone be astounded at how well a hider you are, and you simply laugh at everyone who was caught - everyone but you. you were five.
how about that time you you danced with prince charming from sleeping beauty and was whisked away by cinderella's white gorgeous prince. no prince? no big deal. sleeping beauty did sing, "someday my prince will come..." or was it cinderella? snow white? er.. you get the drift.
other make believe tales were those that involved wings that humans just naturally/humanly do not have. but who's to say you can't fly without wings. there was this once, you flew away to neverland with peter pan and the lost boys. no? if not that one, it'll be you with superman or being superman in his red coat or batman in his black leather outfit. 'no superhero can be without a cape' you'd say. so you'd steal away the blankets from the laundry heap, hold it between those small hands of yours, and run from one end of the house to another just to watch the wind catch the make believe superhero cape.
that was the thrill of the century.
sometimes, just sometimes, fairy tales do come true.
who's to deny you that anyway? it's all in your head. ain't life marvellous?
//lush 99.5//some real jazzy piece
i just found out about love
and i like what love has been doing to me
i hold you close you in my arms and i like it
oh what a wonderful future i see
it's a one time only, it's a life time deal
and i know it's real
i can tell by the way that i feel
right now i'm living it up and i like it
what's loving doing to you
looks like you could be liking it too
johnny cash: i've got plans
june carter: and you've plans
together: and we've got plans together
THE BIG IFif i could date you, i would
if you would love me, i would you
if it was more than this, i would do that
if we had been friends first, i maybe would try
i've dated all types, seen all sorts, and never loved one madly enough.
_______________
i could love you, that's only if i didn't already.
________________
tdon and i went out; i didn't have the motivation to study today. but i promised myself the rest of the week shall be devoted solely to homework. anyway, it wasn't a date-date, it was a getting to know you kinda chillout,letsdoanything,andhaveawildtime sorta day. it's really the first time i've ever done anything like this.
we sat about, with no direction or aim or purpose other than to watch a movie. dinner was calling, and i recommended little india to eat with our hands. (thanks to praa for showing us that little shop - it rocked!) though it was just monday last week that i went, this time it was different. at 7p.m. on a sunday, everything is a lot darker.
i wanted to bring him to the scent shop but it wasn't open - dang. next time. i really
really REALLY want to get that peppermint scent. i believe the word dee used to describe it was '
comforting'. was thinking about the mandarin, but i think it would attract the ants, and the bees and all other creatures in love with all things sweet.
next stop: bugis movie theatre which was only showing three films! like what the - ! we watched
walk the line, starring joaquin pheonix and reese witherspoon. a little draggy (2hr15m). but if it wasn't shown, you would've not gotten the whole emotional overload. i think it is similar to the natalie wood on hallmark, but natalie wood may be slightly better. soundtrack is orgasmafantastic.
then i remembered, c.a.n. cafe opposite bugis. (lexie brought me there the first time we went out, that was one year ago. time does fly faster than superman.) he
loved it - his dad's a collector of all things older than old. and this particular shop/cafe had
LOADS of oldies, from posters to newspapers, to ice kachang machines, to even traffic lights and HMV records from the 60s, 40s even! and all, by the way, are
original. : ) when he walked in, there was nothing brighter than the glint in his eyes. all i could do was watch how this guy who stood before me was taken on a ride into this world of mismatched pieces of time, and be happy.
here's a toast to all things new.
let everything that has breath praise the Lord
you are God alone
from before time began
you were on the throne
for you are God alone
and right now
through the good times bad
you are on your throne
you are God alone
unchangeable
unshakeable
unstoppable
that's what you are
i'm falling in love all over again. and it feels amazing. i could fall in love with Him over and over, and it would never end. that's all that i need. that's all i want. that's all.
i've made it through 2nd year.
advert almost made cry when printing was just skrewing up over 2 damned pages! TWO pages!
jlo is a stickler for punctuality - so we've heard and had the nasty pleasure of seeing. when it was 1057hrs (class is at 1100hrs), and i was still in the printers, i honestly was near tears! thank GOD that the aunty jumped in in her red undies and blue top to save the day.
looks like advert ain't all that bad. but mrm is a whole other story. i'm scraping it, which means i have to
HAVE TO study for the damned exams. but first, i have to buy the text. considering i know shit about mrm, and i've missed several classes to receive a warning notice of low attendence - i'm about this close to peeing myself. heh.
still, i'm going to skip around and sing happy songs cos i've made it through 2nd year. : )
the clouds part and people start talking outwardly in your face,
cause they don't need you no more. oh the joy of people.
highlight of the past weekend: i was taught to drive.
honestly, i think anyone who can drive and talk at the same time ROCKS.
and fyi, my wireless is back! we have touchdown and connection! :))
i will, from now on, remind my mum about the internet bills every month.
why do i keep hitting myself with a hammer?because it feels so good when i stop.
hearing aid: macdonald's
here i am sitting in macs in the middle of the night, sapping the wireless.
why you ask? because my wireless at home is not working.
why you ask? because my mum didn't pay the internet bills!
why you ask? because she didn't remember and no one told her.
and when it's REALLY the final stretch, here i am sitting in macs sapping their wireless. nothing could be worse.
no one can survive on a diet of hope
the world moves in reverse
you see, what you're doing now is reading. until the moment words leave your lips, you are just reading. however, should you choose to speak, you create a tone that fits into a category that has long been created before you. "to speak is to fall into tautology." this is unavoidable and inevitable.
the pile of homework that's coming due makes me want to cut my hair, wax my legs, pierce my ears and kiss and make out with strangers. propelled through life with great speed, she misses out on the fun and crazy thing kids do. placed in a dryer and spun a gazillion times round - that is how i currently feel. i need to talk to someone smart before i lose all sense of things.
the repetition of the lack of order creates the order.
do my eyes deceive me?
i met a guy today, on the bus home. he sat directly in front of me, face to face. i was lost in his furrowed brows, and beautiful fingers playing on his P2P, his finger nails tapping away. his eyes. his grey polo tee, and his blue striped jeans with ripped patches. and his lips - oh his thick lips. damn was he beautiful. and i did nothing.
i tried to draw him, but i couldn't do him justice. so i memorize it.
gravity of a fallen child
momentum of a suitor in love
hearing aid: lush 99.5
zouk's flea'n'easy was where we hit on sunday afternoon.
50 bucks on several tops and belt. i'm a happy camper.
fun with dick and jane: an all rounded, well-thought out plot; good meats throughout the 1 1/2 hours. naturally funny, characters are genuinely good actors; great casting! the film got published with the help of companies such as Enron and Worldcom, which might i add - both crashed. hahaaa.
valerie gives fun with dick and jane a 3 1/2 stars over 5. watch for fun.
you're making me wait under the hot sun
3 weeks overdue, with a fine that's hard to swallow
ASSHOLE ALERT! you have been warned.think you've met the biggest asshole? think again once you've met the one i came across today.
me: let's run the scene one time before we shoot aiight?
him: aiya, no big deal, i've acted before.
me: oh? that's great. what did you do? (i tried to act all interested.)
him: (shoves hand into my face.) tell you later. what course are you in?
me: mass comm
him:
WOAH. MASS COMM SIA. BIGG DEALL.urgh. and this is just one incident of the umpteen consecutive hours i had to spend with him.
him: eh. what's your email? msn?
me: why? it don't matter, cos i don't go online anyway.
him: what. excuse me, just because i ask you for your number doesn't mean i'm interested in you.
i was about to throw a punch at him, and ensure that he would never have offspring; so he can't torture the poor child.
the end of the day.i was truly being as professional i could possibly be; i was downright courteous throughout the entire film shoot. so when the crew told me i was done, i was technically no longer under their "supervision" and could do anything i want - now watch me. :))
him: what have you done before? (he wants to know my resume, so we can compare and contrast how shitty his ONE time paid performance to lie on the road for civil defence covered in blood, was to my DOZEN.)
me: (i tell him - factually-speaking o'course.) i've acted in at least 8 films, produced/directed a few, done a few international bank and travel corporate ads and i do emceeing/hosting for fun once in a while. i just finished 4 events last month.
his face was like an open book; he knew right away that he was waay out of his league once i started talking. when comparing
MASS COMM: THE BIG DEALL to anything, pick your opponents right - you'll prolly lose in the end, but thank you for trying. :)) i wish i had a camera to capture the moment, because it was priceless.
he goes around asking everyone for their contacts.
me: why do you want our contacts anyway?
him: so we can keep in touch, and be friends.
me: oh you want to be friends? i thought with the way you treat us, YOUR FRIENDS, you wouldn't have any. so you do have friends? oh dear. : ) *the angels sang their hallelujahs.
i admit that this is one guy who was able to ruffle my feathers - and sad to say i wasn't allowed to retaliate as much as i would've liked to. i hope for his sake and my sanity that i never cross paths with him in ngee ann or outside ever. and if i should, please have a handphone ready with '911' on speed-dial - no, make that a funeral home, and order a box under the name 'eugene'.
she looked at his legs as he walked surely and steadily towards her. she studied every muscle that moved against the floor. studying those legs which walked beside her through life. studying those same legs which carried her when she fell, and supported her when she cried. studying those pair of legs which now carried an absolute, and nothing in the world could've been more important than this.
she quavered at the terrible thoughts that consumed her - yet all were possibilities in the infinite world they stood in. as the peripheral world of sounds grew quiet in her mind, only his footsteps resounded hollow. his footsteps echoed like in some twilight zone movie.
she smiled at him. his lips reciprocated; curving up little, just that little.
he brought news of her husband's passing before, but this was new to him. he loved her dearly, and she did him - but he would've given everything to do away with this moment they shared.
she fell quietly into his embrace, appreciating his nearness.
"i'm sorry."
and she broke down.
there was nothing left, or so it seemed - last was her husband, and now her son. she loathed the man, now sober, who took her son away from her, and yet she loved him for bringing her only child to his father.
she cried for days.
how do you live on after death?
with much difficulty, but live on we shall.
please don't drink and drive.
hearing aid: 987 - shan wee (i want to marry his voice. hahaa.)
this semester's flying by, and i'm sitting by the window watching.
adel is the world's best/hottest/sexiest exotic dancer. there i've said it. some of the skills that she imparted to me include the flamingo, the turtle, the fishing rod, opening the refridgerator and the worm. when and if any of you get your hands on the tape of us dancing, please burn it. hahahaa.
the yellow rubber ducky (heh.) called today, and twice he called me by her name. i can't help but laugh, and realise how fat i've become. : ))
oiled clockworks
move in undisturbed motion
a little hickory dickory dock
and the mouse can't climb the clock
blow a little wind my way or reel me in
BEING SICK BLOWS.
especially when it's the crunch time.
i'm going to pop some nice pills and run off to school.
tra-la-la-la-la.
i have decided that if a guy can't answer the simple question "
what do you like to do?", he's out. sorry, but i don't intend to cut any slack in this department.
oh! and sleeping is
NOT a hobby. urgh. get a life.
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