; brazen and bold

am i crazy? yes i am aren't i. i just spent the day with rah and mike and bw, which turned out aiight.
rah told me at the end of the movie, lemoney snickets, that she thinks that bw is genuinely interested in me, a personality thing. because it was obvious that he was interested at first to get into my drawers, but she saw something different at the end of the day. he saw something he could possibly like - me. geee. i think it is a compliment i guess.
anyway, we wanted to eat at the indian restaurant at excelsior hotel, and we travelled from jurong east to city hall to find out that it was closed for a private function!! ah hahahaha1.. plus, we wanted to go iceskating, and got there to find out that there's an ice hockey competition invitation, and the place won't be opened for the public until tomorrow!! ah hahahaha2.. geee. how perfect right?
ok, so believe this. we went to sing karaoke after eating at komalas - which i have to admit is pretty good! *grin* i owe rah for being my sugar mommy today : ) with fel (which i have to say, was mad we didn't tell her earlier that bw was with us - they have history you see.) and khai and danny. i saw danny steal some glances at her today, ooooooh. haha. *grin*
i took his hand when danny stole me away trying to get me to sing karaoke. don't blame me. i didn't want to be left there! really. honest.
boohoo. i'm going to try to do my media critique by tonight. bw asked me if i was free tomorrow afternoon, sunday. we shall see. help me. please turn out aiight. he seems quite aiight if not for his history - WHICH i have to say i'm NOT supposed to know. and he thinks i don't know. bah. liar liar.

ttfn, this is me. out.

filming's coming up, and i feel completely not prepared for what's in store. damn. i have no idea how dee handled all this!! argh.
anyway, i have news about some jackass, lets call him boy. somehow, i wish i could shoot him personally, but he IS gorgeous. that i cannot deny. fresh off the press, lets call her girl, she's just been informed of a horrible situation. i'm actually going out with him tomorrow, and when girl was told, she just stopped talking and started to cry. non stop. crappers. what have i gotten myself into.
i'm actually really worried that it would affect her on d-day, but i'll keep praying.

dear lord, help me help myself. walk with me. give me the strength, help me choose my words. amen.

ttfn, this is me. out.

love exists. but it passs me by. maybe it's me. bite me. chance rate is zero.

it passes you by.
you don't see it.
you don't know it.

how unfortunate. to miss such an opportunity. to love.

but what is love?

is it the truth that never leaves the lips?
the touch of a hand that you can never feel?
hope of a day that would never set?
the wonder of it all.

to be left empty.

you are not here. you never were.

ttfn, this is me. out.

it's been sucha hectic week, i've barely slept this whole week, letsee. in a total of 6 days, i have only slept for 16 hours!! not to mention NOT being at home, it's like i never lived in this house the whole week!

let see, monday was valentines day. which i have to say did better than i expected.
t. came by after his training to give me a rose and wished me happy val's day! how perfect, cos i was wishing for a flower for val's day, but the whole day didn't turn out all that great. i skipped locvid lecture, and it was about lightings. damnit. was looking forward to that class.
i went to school to print my stuff early (read: 8am), to find out that they only open at 9.30! crappers.

tues, had dance.

wed: ooh la la. did my jap role "yuki" thing, skipped sab and rugby. oh ho hoho. filming was really tiring, especially the dancing bit. i was completely depressed the first bit of the day because i was supposed to be depressed. gee. it's no wonder why actors suffer from depression and split personalities!! i have never received so much attention in my entire life!! people were watching out for me, even the security guards thought it was fascinating.. i stole the limelight from the kids at the bugis fountain.. haha.. i did everything pretty fast, but i think everything could've been better.

ok, new rule. i should do 'better' things in moderation - because it's killing me.

anyway, i was waaay high on filming after it was done, but apparently my darling t. wasn't around to hear my blabber. 'cow' was tho. anyway, i never knew there was a eunos mrt station in singapore. haha. i know there's a eunos, but not eunos eunos. anyway, got lost, on this bus that went all the way to marine parade, sat on the bus with some sleaze bag that i wanted to slap and step on my toes when his hairy leg moved to touch mine. i will carry around those zappers when they are officially allowed here.. bah.

that's wed, and on thurs. dance. but wait. here's the deal. filming for GOS592. shit. on tues we were supposed to do editing, but guess what. my team decided that they wanted to give up on the whole thing and submit our rough cut. where's the goddamn effort?! i'm still utterly disappointed in what we have submitted, because i know we could've done better. aiight. this is one i CAN bitch about ok! so thurs came, submitted our post production and final cut/rough cut, p.cheng was disappointed that we didn't do editing. bah. bah. BAH.

dance yes on thurs. then fri had graph comm bauhaus meeting for the first time. changed so many things. and oh, talent scouting too. and fell sick all over again, from marlboro reds courtesy of ganesh from thurs night. erk. *sniffle* t. came to visit me again, tried to get me to bed so i would rest and then he could surf porn on my laptop. hhaa.. i'm kidding!! well, i did get to bed by 5 and he woke me up at 6 to go to ntu's dance performance with rah and fel and the 3 stooges. haha. ok. mean. yes. but hey! they ARE like the 3 stooges - endearing you see..

so yesterday, saturday went to pasir panjang macs (god knows where) to do bauhaus again. finally get to contribute to bauhaus. ooh, bauhaus book is with desmond. so took a cab - jack didn't know where to go la. bugger. wasted my money.

oh, so leon said that he would gladly act for 'the im^perfect' production, but not on the week that we'd hoped. we shall see how that works out. gotta do media critique - what in the world is that?! speech comm phonetics journal - gee, help from 'wennie' [i say:_____, you say:_____] who confessed his love for 'dodo'. yay! i'm so happy for him. honest. i knew it was coming. anyway, am planning to see if i can't get a talent, i'll act in my own production on p.cheng's approval of course. and i'll prolly make iylia asst. director? maybe? i need someone to be my eyes..

Q: "what would you missed if you were attached?"
A: "i wouldn't miss anything. cos i'll only get together if the person is worth the while. and if the person is worthwhile, it wouldn't feel like anything is lacking cos everything in life just seems all that sweeter."

ttfn, this is me. out.

did some audition last week, saturday for some corporate commercial. supposed to be some jap dancer girl with a skrewed up life and looks at dance at her only form of expression. sound familiar? haha.
anyway, they called me back yesterday, I GOT THE PART! *grin* yes i did!
whooopie!
filming on wednesday, it's a pretty long speech, wish me luck. and hopefully i don't look stupid dancing down town by myself with cameras a mile away. haha.

oh yeah, i'm still searching for a blogskin. gee. believe me, i've tried dozens. and they don't look good enough for me. blogskin-makers out there, make me one. on the rocks preferably. *grin*

ttfn, this is me. out.

remember i said i went to changi beach on cny? yes. and that's where i got some, no wait, LOADS of bites from i don't know which frickin' insect. i'm not sure if it is even an insect, but i have these bite marks that just keep spreading. so went to the doc's yesterday, and doc gave me medication for allergies - cos bites SHOULDN't be spreading damnit.
so i shouldn't be scratching. bah. but it's ITCHY. shits.
oh, i went for the ACJC idol competition yesterday with 'wanie'. *grin* it rocked. their talent pool is HUGE. everyone was great, and fantastic and fabulous - but you can only choose one winner. oh. the weirdest thing was that for the battle of the bands, this JC1 band won! and it was a complete stunner. because when they won, everyone was booing. yes. booing at them. when asked if they wanted an encore, people were like 'no! get them offstage!' geee. mean eh? but they did their encore anyway.. thumbs up, they played a different song by yellowcard.
so as expected, 'wanie' was interrogated with nods and sly smiles, and the 'wanie, who's this?!' haha.. the guys at AC are still goodlooking and taken. mr. k and mr. j were pretty good on sore eyes, cos they were (*sigh*) beautiful. haha.
supposed to go to town with wanie today to go pick up a present for his best girlfriend for valentines day. sweeet. we shall see. it's more fun with wanie and friends it seems. we shall see.

valentine's day is a day of love. ha.
yesterday i said, love cannot conquer all.
he said 'now that's cynical'. agreed.

*scratch-scratch*

ttfn, this is me. out.

'floozie' asked me what was i doing on valentines.
and as expected, i said 'i've got school til 6pm.' haha.
yes i honestly do! anyway, i'm not really keen on heading out anywhere on valentines, cos i just don't want to choose. why doesn't he get the hint? i'm not free. ever. fullstop. maybe i've got to spell it out for him in math - he IS good at it.
bah. headed to changi beach for cny yesterday with family. oh yeah, that reminds me, he asked me what i did today.
i said: 'went to changi beach and got burnt'
he said: 'oh? with who?'
can you say: "buzz off. why is it YOUR business?"
i think for anyone who knows me well enough, don't pry or i'll bite your head off.
changi was fun, and wasn't really in the sun for long, say 3 hours? but i really meant to soak it in out in the waters, floated about.. and i didn't put on sunblock. so yes, i have a really really REALLY red nose right now.
i'm suppose to visit my first house of the cny tomorrow - dee's place! yay! she wants me there at 10 plus 11, gee. it's now 2 in the morning, doubt i'll get there on time. haha.. *grin* that is sooo me.

ok, first up. what am i doing for valentines? falling in love with my tv!! why? because i don't really want to go out with someone. and if i did ask the person i wanted to go out with on valentines, it'll be like - "huh? now? all of a sudden?" yes, would be my answer.
then again, i'll prob run away after that because i think i've just discovered myself to be a commitment phobe! wow.

hoo, so i've got two people who've asked what am i doing valentines and asked if i was free. told 'cow' i wasn't free. and 'floozie' that i've got school. i think it shall ask rah out instead. or maybe dee. oh wait. they've got their boys to attend to. bah.

singlehood should rock. yes it should. so it shall.

ttfn, this is me. out.

after the last 2 weeks, i really am going to put in my best effort to be better at everything i do. yes. because if i ever feel like that ever again, i will flip. i hate not being in control. yes. sue me, i like being in control.

so i did deewee's birthday gift shopping. i got her the pair of gold earrings she's been looking for since forever (well, since we got to know each other, since last sem). AND a topaz choker with bling! *grin* she loved it. thank god. i'm supposed to share with t. he owes me. yes you do t., yes you do.

guess what i forgot to do this time. i forgot to print my 'i am accident prone' card. can you imagine! haha. i finish up my typography, and realise that i didn't print one of my works. haha. skrewy. at least choy extended the deadline. rah said he's like that. haha. cares no shit for the deadlines, unless you're late.

anyway, i can't believe that rah convinced me to miss one class! tsktsk. yes. tsk me more. haha. but we got to catch up like old girlfriends would. and i love rah to bits. yes rah i do. i know you love me too. *grin* don't deny it. yes, fyi, i think wussss is pretty goodlooking. and willy (the ball from castaway) isn't. haha.

it's cny tomorrow. hear this. we did SOME spring cleaning today. well, it's quite a lot, but we only managed to change the kitchen. haha. yes, it requires a lot of work to clean my house. especially my room. half an hour to midnight. mum's telling me all sorts of stories of the cny of the past. how intriguing - really. i'm completely not in touch with any of the chinese traditions. it's best i marry someone not chinese, or someone who'd teach me the traditions good. *grin*

ttfn, this is me. out.

had the most skrewed up 2 weeks in a really long time.
everything just seemed to go wrong, my timetable flipped cos of the crystal ship party. ok, i know i shouldn't have gone, but how could i not! it IS issey's party AND he was supposed to be there. stupid me. yes. you don't have to tell me. it's futile
anyway, fel told me some news that didn't really strike me as surprising, but kinda disappointing. she said 'several months.' how many months is several? dang. this completely blows.
heck, he's long over and gone - so i shouldn't really bother about him right? riiight. agree with me.
then there was the medisoc paper, shit. completely skrewed for that one. bound to be one of the 4 1/2 upon 20 people. had no notes to study because i don't print my notes and i have never paid attention to any of the classes. in fact, believe this. i got a warning letter for debarment. yes. me debarred from medisoc. imagine that. after that, i thought that it couldn't get worse. but it did, as it always does right?
there was this meeting i was to make, but as expected, i didn't wake up til 2 hours AFTER meeting time. i know this will so hit me back during peer evaluation. dangit.
i told both of them how it's going for me. they understood, i know cow was really disappointed. considering that his 'motto' is to never be rejected again. haha. yes, rah thinks this is super funny. how can you make a motto like that right?
i have to take my hat off for his perserverence, i'm just thinking: "damnit. i'm mean." haha.

anyway, i hope it all turns out aiight. it always does.

ttfn, this is me. out.

funny. never thought i'll do something like this. i ain't angst, or insanely in love with someone, so i'm just ordinary? - no. i'm extraordinary! *grin* i don't have much drama, or stories to tell, but i've got myself. i believe in who i am and i can be whoever i want to be.

this is me. out.